I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
