no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
