i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize