I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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