i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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