Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sorry my hands just texted you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize