I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize