I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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