friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
