i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
