I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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