I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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