At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
