K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
