a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize