Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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