What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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