I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
