After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
