this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My feet surprised me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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