if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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