We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
