I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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