the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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