I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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