I will die if light touches me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
