im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
