this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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