waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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