Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
