i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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