I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
