if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
