I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
