Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
