break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
