no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
