soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
