can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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