Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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