Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
