i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
