His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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