i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
