In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You are the jesus of drinking
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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