my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
