if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
