Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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