what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
