meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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