He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
