you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's get the cat blown out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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