I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
