The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
