he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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