You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
