i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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