I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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