Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
