my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
