I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
