I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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