My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
