she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
soo... how was my night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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