I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
