and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
