Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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