I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
